5 Tips for Raising Boys to Be Good Men

Cartwheel! Hooray! Crosswalk.com just commissioned my first piece especially for them, and this one couldn't be closer to my heart. While I am knee-deep in boyhood, there is something here for every parent. Tip #5 is a favorite. If you want your child to dream big, lead with wisdom, and have an open heart, I hope you read this!

My one-year-old at the beach recently

I always thought my first child would be a boy. My second son was a surprise. Fast forward several years later, and I am the proud mother of three growing boys, including a preteen and toddler. 

I still recall the day a friend of mine and I were talking about having boys while our oldest children, who were still infants, played nearby. “I want to raise gentlemen,” she said. “The world needs more gentlemen.” And just like that, a mission of mine was born. 

Raising sons who will become men is an adventure, especially for me who only had a sister growing up. I have been indoctrinated into a world that knows surprisingly less drama, or maybe it’s just masked in building challenges and wrestling.

Regardless, the enterprise of raising boys to be gentlemen has high stakes amidst a national backdrop of growing division, disrespect, and estrangement.

As a pastor and host of a faith and parenting TV show, I have distilled five tips for encouraging parents to raise gentlemen at such a time as this: 

1. Leaders Are Cultivated, Not Opportunists

As I examine my Twitter feed on regular occasion, I notice the loudest voice often wins. Snarky comments boost followings but also add to the growing divide. 

People are thirsty for strong leadership but are often drawn to places that end up dry. I have unfollowed more than one person recently who seemed more bent on sparring with others than leading with patience, humility, and wisdom. 

When I examine the Bible, I am reminded of Moses who had his calling right, but his reaction wrong. He wanted to lead his people away from injustice, but his immediate reaction was murder, which sent him into hiding. 

After decades in the desert, God matured him and enabled him to take a firm, patient stand to lead God’s people to deliverance from slavery. 

I want to impress upon my sons that kingdom growth is slow and abiding, and what happens behind closed doors is more important than what’s flashy. 

If God has tucked you away and is working on you, it’s not lost time, even if you have a heart for impacting more. Entrust your preparation to the Lord and trust his timing. 

2. Listen and Connect with Others

I recently had the Emmy-award winning journalist Linsey Davis on my show. Linsey is the bestselling author of a Christian children’s book on inclusion, and she shared her book’s backstory with me. She noticed how her young son naturally chooses friends based upon common interests (like Legos) rather than differences (like skin color, religion, or political views). While children notice differences, they don’t assign value to them like adults often do. 

I was challenged by her call to intentionally expose children to diversity. She said that she pulled her son out of a great school because he was the only black student. She said that that shouldn’t just matter to her as a black mother; it should matter to the other parents, too. 

Having the opportunity to interact and connect with different people is important learning for everyone. She notes that it’s relationships—not facts—that change people regarding any important social issue, like race.

I’m encouraging my sons to broaden their exposure. They can explore differing perspectives in their coursework, through books, or in relationship. It’s an essential step for their own development and leadership, and it resonates with the work of our Creator God, who must love difference because he made every single one of us. Linsey agrees.

Read Tips #3–5 Here