How to End #Mommywars

Similac's viral You Tube video depicting #mommywars

Have you ever experienced mom guilt at the hands of other moms?

This past week, I went to a event designed to stop it.  The event was courtesy of the TODAY Show Parenting Team and Similac.  

As a panelist, actress, singer, and mother Hilary Duff remarked that mom on mom judging often starts as soon as we get pregnant.  Whether it's comments at the doctor's office, conversations while pushing strollers, or chance encounters with total strangers, sometimes we can walk away questioning our adequacy as moms.  

Can you relate?  I wonder if you have ever felt judged for decisions regarding:

• breast versus bottle
• natural versus cesarean birth
• diet, illness remedy, and vaccine-related choices
• tummy time length
• walking age of your child
• crib, toy, and educational choices...

You get the picture. These issues are illustrative of culture's #mommywars.

And here are some of the solutions the panel came up with to solve them:

• Hilary Duff encouraged moms not to have a heavy hand with each other. She said, "We're tough as nails, but we're soft inside and it hurts." Instead of focusing on judgment, she wants to concentrate on her passion for motherhood and living a self-fulfilled life.

• Clinical Psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary hit the nail on the head. She said judging others is an indicator of our own self lack. She advised everyone against operating from a place of "inner scarcity" and to cultivate our own self-worth. She said, "Don't use your children to fill your inner lack. This is not their war. Don't use them to finish your unfinished inner business. I think this mommy judgment comes from a place of inner scarcity, inner lack."

• TODAY Parenting Team Editor Rebecca Dube reminded us that sometimes the worst judge of ourselves is not others - it's ourselves.  She said, "My harshest mommy judge is me... If I can be kinder to myself, that gives me the strength to be kinder to others." 

The intricacies of our decisions are not the most important thing. What children really need is simple. Secure parents and quality time, for instance, are real gifts to our children. And I would add a faith foundation is too, for it can ground us all in God's love.

Some panel members in the Rainbow Room at NBC.

Hilary Duff and me! 

For more coverage of the event, click here.

What have you felt judged for?  What helped?  I'd love to hear from you!

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